the Replacements

The Replacements

The Frontrunners:

  Joe Novak, currently the head coach of Northern Illinois, is a coaching disciple of Our Beloved Bo. That means he's a firm believer in 3-yards-and-a-cloud-of-dust and he surely will bring stability back to our running game and more importantly get our offensive linemen to open up some holes. The only problem is he's not that readily available as his current contract extends through 2007. We also have rules CallTouch that everyone should follow. We do not want you to start doing something wrong as we have prescribed.
  Les Miles, currently the head coach of LSU, is a former Big 12 Coach of the Year (for his work with Oklahoma State) and now has LSU finishing with a record better than U-M. The big positive for him besides his winning ways is his previous experience as a former player with U-M as well as being a former assistant coach at the U, so we know he can handle the pressures. The only problem is he may not be that readily available since he just signed on with LSU after Nick "Nomad" Saban jumped ship doing his Larry Brown impersonation.
  Gary Moeller, arrest record aside this guy won us the same amount of Big Ten titles as Lloyd (3) in half the time (5 years). Additionally, like Lloyd he lead us to two (2) outright Big Ten championships and two (2) Rose Bowls, but unlike Lloyd he actually won one (1) of them. Furthermore, he went 4-1 in bowls (he'd be 5-1 if they didn't credit his '88 Outback Bowl to Bo's record), was no worse than Lloyd with a 2-2-1 record against ND, and an impressive 3-1-1 against OSU. Lastly, he's the last coach to post a winning record with the Detroit Lions and was actually undefeated as their coach at one point in time - that in itself is impressive enough for me to want to re-hire him.
  Jim Herrmann, current defensive coordinator of our beloved Wolverines. As much as it pains me to admit this, but after hours of research and fact-checking, this is they guy who coordinated only the best defensive team to ever play the game when he helped lead us to the 'Ship in '97. The only thing that bothers me was that it was his first season as the defensive coordinator and I can't believe that kind of defense is something you just luck into with a promotion. If he brought back some consistency and provided us with a defense half as good as '97's I'd have to like our chances.

The Outsiders:

  Pat Hill, currently the head coach of Fresno State, his team gave USC it's greatest scare since they were upset in OT by California. He'd bring the exciting spread offense to a team loaded with offensive playmakers that would flourish in such a system. Also, he brings an "anytime, anywhere" mentality that would do U-M a favor and get them up for the little guys and heck, maybe even encourage us to schedule a BCS heavyweight to open the season and really get us off to a good start with a quality early win.
  Urban Meyer, currently the head coach of Florida, and former BCS buster with Utah. If the man can take Utah through a season undefeated, surely he can do the same for us. Imagine his spread offense with our playmakers, imagine our defense being rested, imagine if he came here and brought with him the athletically gifted QB recruit Tim Tebow to run his spread. Can you believe he had an opt-out of his Utah contract if we would've come calling? You mean Bill Martin passed this guy up so he could go to Florida or our hated rival Notre Dame? Good thing OSU already had Tressel.
  Tommy Tuberville, current head coach of Auburn that has done nothing but win big games despite constantly being under fire. He's helped make Auburn one of the elite of the SEC and he's done it with defense first, plus it didn't hurt to have 3 first round NFL draft prospects on offense, 2 of which were top 5 running backs! Imagine what he could do for Big Blue - if ungrateful Auburn fans don't want him I don't see how we couldn't at least give the man an offer.
  Joe Kines, current defensive coordinator of Alabama, could do wonders for our defense. Just look what the man has done in three short seasons with the 'Tide: just this past year alone they were first in pass defense and second in scoring (allowed). He's got some experience in the pros - 3 years as a LB coach with the Buccanneers, albeit that was from '87-'90 - and even though he's getting on age you can't overlook his accomplishments and how good he looks for being 61 years young.

The Runts:

  Steve Mariucci, former coach of the Detroit Lions, is by far and away one of the most overrated coaches of the modern-era. Please don't get me started on this square - I could go on for days - and I don't even want to think of him in Maize & Blue.
  John L. Smith, current head coach of our intrastate rival MSU, he is almost as overrated as Mooch, who will soon replace him at MSU to join his buddy Izzo along the sports sidelines. He has failed to recruit well for the Sparties so we'll take a pass on this one.
  Nick Saban, current head coach of the Miami Dolphins, this guy jumps ship with greater frequency than Larry Brown. This guy's a big fan of Woody Allen because all he does is Take the Money and Run.
  Oh no, look out, its the dreaded Lou-John Cooper-Holtz!
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